An update... and Being Muslim in Malaysia (Part 1)

Subhanallaah... it has been ages since I last updated (again!).

Much has happened, and with every situation that one goes through... one ends up learning something, and ending up a better and more fulfilled person, inshaa Allaah. But of course, as life has its ups, it also has its downs... and for both we should be grateful.

On the authority of Abu Yahya Suhaib bin Sinan (May Allah be pleased with him) it is related that the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said,
“How amazing is the affair of the believer. There is good for him in everything and that is for no one but the believer.If good times come his way, he expresses gratitude to Allah and that is good for him, and if hardship comes his way,he endures it patiently and that is better for him.”
[Muslim]

It has been 5+ years since I have embraced Islaam. Much I have learnt of this beautiful and complete way of life - but there is just so much more to learn, and the more I learn, the more I want to know more, subhanallaah!

On another note, I have been wanting to write a series of my ramblings as a non-Malay Muslim in Malaysia - but have put it off for many months now. I wonder when I will start. Perhaps now?

Hmmm... it hasn't been a bed of roses, but it isn't all that bad either, alhamdulillaah.

I suppose being a non-Malay embracing Islaam, people around me always think that I am now officially a Malay. However odd that sounds, that's exactly what happens. Amongst Muslims and non-Muslims alike.

Alhamdulillaah, I speak the Malay language 'like a Malay would speak it,' so many a time, people would mistake me for a Malay. What more with the donning of the hijaab (or tudung, which is loosely translated), I've become an instant Malay (and it doesn't help that I don't exactly look Chinese)!

Muslims would look at me in amazement when I speak Cantonese as they somehow think that by embracing Islaam, I would not be able to speak my native dialect anymore! Vice versa, my relatives would automatically speak to me in Malay, as if I have no understanding of Cantonese/Hakka/English anymore. Hmmm!

There have been countless times some Chinese would comment something about me ("Pau thau" - Cantonese, literal translation, "wrapped head") , or my family in their native language - and would be in total shock when I say something in Cantonese too. If it was something good they said, all's well. But if it wasn't, they'd just briskly walk away.

My mom isn't Muslim, but when we are out together, people would automatically speak to her in Malay!

With all that said and done, one thing's for sure. Islaam wasn't sent to the Arabs, or the Malays only. Islaam was a universal message and was send to all of mankind. And the reason why Allaah created us different, can be looked up in the Qur'an, surah al-Hujurat 49:13:-

"O mankind! We created you from a single (pair) of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other (not that ye may despise (each other). Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is (he who is) the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted (with all things)."

Subhanallaah...

Inshaa Allaah, as more and more non-Malays embrace Islaam, may the Malaysian society be more open and accepting towards 'hijaabis who can speak other than English/Malay" and that we stay what we were born as - be it Chinese, Malay, Indian, Caucasian, etc. - as long as it does not contradict the teachings of Islaam.

Dawn of my 5th Ramadhaan...!

Subhanallaah, it has been 5 years since I embraced Islaam, alhamdulillaah!

And yes, inshaa Allaah, if they sight the moon tonight, it will be Ramadhaan tomorrow - and the start of Qiyamullail tonight, inshaa Allaah.

Ramadhaan is the month where we are highly encouraged to read the Qur'an... and understand it. A month which is full of blessings and as believers, we should try our very best to gain these blessings inshaa Allaah! Strive to do good deeds, increase ibaadah and abstain from all that we should be abstaining from in this holy month. The Prophet Muhammad (sallallaahu 'alayhi wassalaam) used to be very generous, but would be even more generous in the month of Ramadhaan, mashaa Allaah!

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:

Allah's Apostle was the most generous of all the people, and he used to reach the peak in generosity in the month of Ramadan when Gabriel met him. Gabriel used to meet him every night of Ramadan to teach him the Qur'an. Allah's Apostle was the most generous person, even more generous than the strong uncontrollable wind (in readiness and haste to do charitable deeds).-Sahih Bukhari-

I pray that I will be able to do what pleases Him, and do to them to my ability, inshaa Allaah. Gotta make the most of this month - for we are not sure if we will live long enough to see the next...!

Shouldn't be spending so much time in the kitchen preparing food, alhamdulillaah I have a non-fussy husband who will eat anything and doesn't demand certain food, ALHAMDULILLAAH :)

We have a little fella running about this year - inshaa Allaah he will be able to feel and learn what Ramadhaan is all about, although he may still be a bit young but it is never too late to start!

Down memory lane - 6 Ramadhaans ago, I was in Scotland, not yet a Muslim, but did try fasting about 11 days I think. Oh, it was such a memorable time, subhanallaah. SO many people in the house, sahur was like a party, albeit a bit quiet. But come iftar, mashaa Allaah... we had dates with milk/water, followed by some soup and then waited for Maghrib. Daylight came pretty early, at about 3pm, so dinner time was not for another few hours.

And to think that before that '6 Ramadhaans ago,' I had no idea what Islaam was, how universal it is, and that salat is an obligatory thing...! And I am forever grateful to Allaah for guiding me to the path of Islaam, alhamdulillaah!

Okay, enough of rambling on. Time to get some work done, and watch and see if it is indeed the 1st day of Ramadhaan tomorrow.

May Allaah accept our good deeds, may we make the most of our time this Ramadhaan to do what pleases Him, may He increase our eeman and taqwa, may He make us righteous and keep us firm on His Path, ameen ya rabbil alameen.

Too Late for Regrets...

I have just gone to see my grandad. He was very cold. Called him as usual, but that didn't even garner a nod. Hmmm. My son went up to him and said hello, etc. but it he only allowed him to hold his finger for a little while. Perhaps it is because I haven't gone to see him in a while - rather, I didn't stay long enough the last time I dropped by. Well of course, he's not always like that... but he does get like that pretty often.

Such a vast difference as compared to my grandma on my dad's side. Sigh. She would always be smiles, whether or not I had only just seen her or it had been months since I last saw her.

Makes me value her even more - although it is too late now.

Ah Ma passed away on the 2nd of August 2008. She had been staying at a nursing home for about 5 months. I had been to see her perhaps only 3 times in the home? Sigh. I feel such great remorse and regret for not having made the effort to see her more often. No use crying over spilt milk, they say. How apt. Sigh.

She was one who loved to chit chat. She would go on and on about days long gone, and about many other stories that would suddenly come to her mind. She would sometimes reprimand me for not knowing certain words in Cantonese that she used.

She didn't like the taste of sesame seed oil. She hates food with a fishy smell.

She used to take us on those public buses to "lok po' (Cantonese for going down town) i.e. Sungei Wang and treat us to KFC (and later some stationery from a nearby shop). Oh, that was a really long time ago, maybe 20 years back? Wow, that IS a long time. I mentioned this to her before she died, but she can't remember, she said.

She would fry rice, plate by plate - with huge prawns. Fried rice is only yummy if cooked plate by plate, she said. She made me write down the names of some herbs to boil. Oh, she would most probably scold me for having forgotten the names now.

She used to live in this flat in Jalan Tung Shin before she moved in with my aunt. I vaguely remember how it is like - we had to walk up a couple of flight of stairs to get to the flat, and from the door, another flight to the living room. There was a long corridor we had to walk through just to get to the kitchen or the bathroom - this is where we would also be facing the neighbour. There were two rooms in the front, with a pretty large living room where the tv was, where my late grandad (her husband who died many many years ago...) would sit in this chair watching tv. I remember being absolutely terrified of him, and never really knew him at my young age.

I did go and see her before she got so ill. A few times at my aunt's place -before I got married, after, and after I had my son. When I was at work, she would give me phone calls and would chit chat for many minutes. Sometimes she would cry over the phone.

It's amazing how a woman her age (she was about 90) would still look out for her 3 children - although they are old enough to look after themselves, and perhaps look after her in return.

She came over to our house a couple of times - but was too tired/sick to do so after those times.

There is just so much about her that I remember - bits and pieces, here and there.

However, there is this one thing that I remember of her - which adds a truck load of regret onto what I am already feeling. And it is this.

Of all the relatives and their reaction towards me reverting to Islaam, she was the most impartial; the least judgemental. Actually, she didn't judge me at all. Come to think of it, she was actually extremely accepting of my decision to accept Islaam. She did ask me why, and I did explain, and that was it. It was an honest question from her side, with no preconcieved ideas attached.

And when I decided to don the hijaab (Muslim dressing - yes, including the headscarve and all), she actually said I looked nice and pretty. Of course, I only wear the hijaab as submission to Allaah's commands and not to look good; but her comment was uplifting as other relatives struggled to accept how I chose to look.

She was also so nice to my husband, and tried her very best to make him feel comfortable by trying to speak to him in his mother tongue. She would take his hand and shake it and ask him, "How are you?" almost every time they met. But before that, she would quickly pull me aside and ask me, "What's your husband's name again?"

Now, as I think back on those times she had been simply, herself - I feel utmost regret for not getting to know her better, and to keep her company in her times of loneliness and old age. She just wanted someone to listen to her, to look out for her a bit, and just basically, to be with her - even for a few moments.

It is too late now. And that regret is still nagging at me inside.

But I am grateful though, for the fact that I can seek forgiveness from the only One who can forgive - God Almighty, Allaah. I pray that He forgives me and that I do not repeat this that has caused me such regret...

Come to think of it... looking at my grandad, perhaps it is because he has many children to come and visit and look out for him - so much so that it becomes a norm, and he can get upset if things don't go his way with regards to their visits, etc.
But with my grandma, I guess she never really did have people visit her so often, that when anyone does visit her - she treasures every moment.

Maybe, just maybe.

My 4th Ramadhaan...

Subhanallaah... how time flies. I am now in my fourth Ramadhaan... and all praise is to Allaah, He has given me yet another opportunity to experience this holy month, this month which is better than any other month in the Islamic calendar.

I was forwarded a blog with salaat recordings from the Haramain, may Allaah reward those who are posting them! Subhanallaah... just playing the adhaan is enough to bring memories and emotions of when I was in Makkah.

I remember when I went for Umrah, and the first time I set my eyes on the Kaaba - it was surreal. It felt like a dream to be there. But alhamdulillaah, Allaah gave me the opportunity. We had just arrived and it was raining. We did tawaf in the rain but it was an amazing experience. It wasn't as crowded as it was during the Hajj, so the Kaaba was just a couple of metres away. Irrespective of time, Masjidil Haraam is always filled with the hustle and bustle of Allaah's slaves...

As I sit here typing this, I start to recall the many things that I had experienced the times that I was in Makkah... subhanallaah. I do hope to go back there again, soon. I don't really want to go anywhere else, really... I long for that feeling of utter contentment... not needing to care about the worldly life and just focusing on that one thing that is ever so important - worshipping Allaah. When in Makkah, many people say they forget their troubles of this world -for they have full concentration on the Creator. Subhanallaah.

Oh how I long to walk on the white marble floor again... with the Kaaba just right there. How I long to make salaat in the rooftop of the Haramain, with the cold wind blowing. How I long to hear the adhaan that is distinctly from Makkah - almost haunting, making my hair stand on end. How I long to just sit on the cold white marble floor facing the Kaaba, just having those little conversations with Allaah... and how therapeutic it was watching my brothers and sisters go around the Kaaba...

Inshaa Allaah, we will go there again.

So much for talking about my 4th Ramadhaan. Again, this year it is also different, as it was last year.

May we spend time doing that which He will be pleased with, and may He accept our ibaadah and good deeds, ameen. And may He keep us steadfast on His Path, ameen ya rabbil alameen...

Forgive Me

This is a nasheed by Ahmed Bukhatir.

I had seen this nasheed (without music, inshaa Allaah) a couple of months back and I must admit it left quite an impact on me. I had stumbled upon it one late night but can't remember how.

And just when I felt that I had some things to complain about - I stumble upon it again. Another reminder comes to me - when feeling in a mood to lament, look to those who are worst of than me, and this verse from the Qur'an rightfully applies...

And He giveth you of all that ye ask for. But if ye count the favours of Allah, never will ye be able to number them. Verily, man is given up to injustice and ingratitude.
(Qur'an, Surah Ibrahim : Verse 34)

May Allah make me of those who remember his favours and blessings - and to be content with it, ameen. Because when I do - the world (and the Hereafter, inshaa Allaah) is my oyster, as the saying goes.

For the benefit of those who cannot view the video, below are the lyrics. However, do watch it if you can.

Forgive Me - Ahmed Bukhatir
Today, upon a bus,
I saw a girl with golden hair.
And wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, she smiled.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I `d go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have blessed indeed, the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy.
The lad who sold it had such charm.
I talked with him, he seemed so glad.
If I were late, it `d do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
You see," he said, "I `m blind"
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I `d go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have blessed indeed, the world is mine.

I saw a child with eyes of blue.
He stood and watched the others play.
He did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join the others, dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew. He couldn't hear.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I `d go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I'd know.
Oh God, forgive me when I whine.
I have blessed indeed, the world is mine

A long hiatus

Wow, the last update was 18th September 2006? Gosh, it's only 24 more days to 2007!

How time flies. It's not that I have not been doing anything - it's just that I haven't been having much 'inspiration' to be blogging.

Life is going to take a major turn in a few weeks' time. MAJOR. Insya Allah, He will guide us through it.

I still work at the same place - not exactly doing what an environmental consultant should be doing - but this seems to be my path for now.

Subhanallah, just a year ago - I was getting prepared to go for the journey of my lifetime. Alhamdulillah, He gave me the opportunity to do so. That's definitely the best gift I had ever received, and I don't want anything else, really! Subhanallah, it was such an experience.. and only by His Grace that I had completed it. Alhamdulillah.

And this year, again He has blessed us. May He make it easy for me to always remember His Blessings, so that I do not dwell upon what is not meant to be.

I do not know if this would lead to another entry anytime soon, all I can say is Insya Allah.

My 3rd Ramadhan

Alhamdulillah.

Ramadhan will dawn upon us again in a weeks' time.

I had written a pretty detailed piece last year - which I will not repeat this year.

Needless to say, this Ramadhan will definitely be different than last year's as my whole 'situation' is a wee bit different this year. It would certainly be a challenge for me but insya Allah, He will make it easy for me to fast, for His sake and His sake alone.